I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
