So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
