i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
