Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize