dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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