We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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