i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
