yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
