OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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