Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
