I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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