If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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