There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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