I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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