i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
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