My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
