I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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