It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We had to coat check the pizza.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
