Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You pole danced in your parka.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
