get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize