U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
