I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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