his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
