All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
