God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
