Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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