Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
