You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
