you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
