yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
