Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
