she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
