I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize