shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
