remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You need a sexual gate keeper
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
