my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
