a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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