Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
