You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
