I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize