Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
