WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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