I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
