I faked an abortion last night.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
