I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
