jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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