I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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