Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize