Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
