I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize