She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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