i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
