I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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