New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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