The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
