so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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