I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize