WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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