I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
