Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
