just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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