No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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