I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
too bad you live with your parents still
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
