Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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