She is in my trunk
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
