she woke up with a sticky ear
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
