tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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