How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
