She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There's even glitter on my cock...
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