Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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