Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Can I color on your dick again?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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