what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
