he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
