My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
