Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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