dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
