Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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