Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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