OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
