i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
