My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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